Seven People Lil Wayne Should Ask to Prom Feb 8, 20097:57 PST

by Kelly Hargrave

Lil Wayne hip hopped his way to the Grammy’s last weekend, most likely sporting his usual dreads, tattoos, and a red solo cup that probably magically fills itself back up when there is only a drop left. Yeah we should be praising him for conquering the world of music in 2008, but maybe he should have waited until after the Grammy’s to leak his debut rock song, “Prom Queen”. Basically, he sounds like a horny robot who’s been hit over the head by a guitar, and sadly words in slow motion from Lil Wayne just aren’t as sexy. If Lil Wayne could do this song all over again, how could he make it better and worthy of what he has already accomplished? Maybe he’d need a mentor–a Mr. Miyagi if you will–to teach him the “wax on” and “wax off” of proms and queens. So to benefit his rock stardom, here are seven people Lil Wayne should ask to prom.

Weezy and his prom date prepare to “wax off”.

Troy Bolton from High School Musical 3

It’s hard enough for Lil Wayne, let alone anyone, to come out with a song about prom after this blockbuster hit. But Zac Efron knows how to work an angle with the ladies. Let’s not go too far and say that Lil Wayne has to turn his song into a Broadway number, but a little more emotion from Weezy Baby could help, unless he truly is trying to appeal to robots, or people who recognize just as much
emotion as Joan Rivers’ face.

Freddie Mercury

There is no way anyone can start watching Freddie Mercury and take their eyes off him. He is the only person that has a sufficient amount of rock power to pull off any song about a queen, not to mention the only voice that has the ability to resonate throughout the whole universe and discover a new planet. Lil Wayne, you already have funny teeth like Freddie, but son, if you want to be a rock god, you better find a way to, one, sing without a vocodor, and two, create more unique lyrics like Freddie’s, “She’s dynamite with a laser beam, guaranteed to blow your mind, any time.” Now that is a song about a Killer Queen.

Don’t stop the prom couple now, cause we’re having a good time.

The Dumpster Baby from Family Guy

Something tells me Lil Wayne’s ideal Prom Queen might be involved with such a scandal. Sure, some homeless person has a hearty breakfast to look forward to the morning after prom, but if Lil Wayne hung out with this baby for a night, he might receive a different outlook and make his song at least a little classier. We might not be able to help finding a couple of these dumpster babies, but it’s not
like we want to find them in EVERY dumpster.

Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber

So this isn’t quite the prom, but it is a ball of sorts, and you can’t deny the fabulous and infamous tuxedos worn by Harry and Lloyd. If Lil Wayne can learn anything from this, it’s how to make a real entrance. And at least if his song sucks, he can have some nice physical comedy to make it seem more entertaining during live performances.

Napoleon Dynamite

From how to ask a girl to the prom by coloring a picture of her, to the gangster Latino transportation, to the actual 80’s inspired dance, and scandalous touching of puffy sleeves… this dude’s clearly a pimp. Hey, he gets the girl in the end, right? Lil Wayne, I think you’ve found your ultimate mentor.

Weezy taught me bow hunting skills. I gave him his lyrical skills.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

So Lil Wayne, you want to rock? Kristy Swanson could provide the oomph this song needs. Try going to prom, rocking, and kicking a zombie’s ass all at the same time, and then maybe, just maybe, you’ll know what if feels like to be a rockstar.

Stifler from American Pie 3

When it comes down to it, the best way to impress at prom is all about the dance moves. You want to get chicks instead of jerks? You have to dance as if Godzilla were going to wash you down with a juice-box for snack-time tomorrow. And Lil Wayne, this Stifler boy knows how to dance.