5 Power ‘Staches That Will Live Forever Sep 14, 20093:11 PDT

Internet videos are the ultimate archive of cool. Classic footage finds new life in a new medium, and with a technology this relatively new, everything is retro, man.The classics will never die as long as it’s on video and there’s a friend to show it to. Today, we salute one of the mainstays of video nostalgia:

The Power ‘Stache.

For all the great mustaches in history - the curved horns of Salvador Dali, the whip-like tendrils of a Rollie Fingers, the clipped upper lip window box of Charlie Chaplin, none has quite the visual impact of the Power ‘Stache. The Power ‘Stache is a follicle’s best attempt at purified manliness; it’s the 8-cylinder Chevy of facial hair.

Here, preserved for history through the magic of video, are five of the greatest Power ‘Staches ever worn:

5: Ron Burgundy

While it may lack the monstrosity of the other entries, part of what makes the Power ‘Stache work is the attitude behind it. On the lip of Will Ferrell’s Ron Burgundy, this ‘stache is way more sirloin than tar tar.

4: Mario

The heyday of the Power ‘Stache may be over, but when you’re the best selling video game character of all time, you can afford to keep it going strong into the modern age. For 25 years we’ve followed Mario’s neverending quest to defeat Bowser and rescue the Princess once and for all: through all of it, the graphics have changed, but the Power ‘Stache is eternal.

Rumor has it that when these guys dedicated themselves to making a trailer for the Mario Kart fan movie they dreamed up, 60% of their budget went to recreating the famous ‘stache.

3: Beastie Boys: Sabotage

In one of the most memorable tributes of all time, the Beasties busted loose with the whole package: polyester shirts, cars made from solid blocks of American steel, mop top haircuts, and of course, some of the meanest ‘staches MTV ever had the cajones to air.

2: Borat

Sacha Baron Cohen’s follow up, Bruno, tanked in comparison to his ultimate megahit Borat. Why? No Power ‘Stache!

Once again we reach into the archives and give you this, the greatest ‘stache ever grown in Kazakhstan:

1: John Oates

Every generation has its truly amazing Power ‘Stache, the one ‘Stache to rule them all. In the ‘80’s, that ‘stache belonged to the better half of Hall & Oates, John Oates. Oates’ Lip Altar to Masculinity made Daryl Hall look like an older, more haggard version of Corey Haim by comparison. While wussy rock ballad “Your Kiss” was on Hall’s lips, Oates’ were busy bearing the one and only J-Stache.

What sights must a ‘Stache of that magnitude have seen at the height of its power? Thanks to this recently surfaced archive footage, we get the whole sordid story, straight from the source (NSFW, language):